#but I think it would make me want to rip my hair out

[delilahsturniolo]

hard to sleep — c.s ⋅˚₊‧ 𝜗𝜚 ‧₊˚ ⋅

in which . . . you and chris can’t seem to fall asleep after you both argue.

warnings . . . resolved angst, arguing, yelling, crying.

written by @delilahsturniolo. do not copy, steal, or modify any of my works. do not take inspiration without permission or credits. happy reading! :)

tonight had been a total mess, there was no doubt about it. you and chris never argued, but when you did it usually was dumb and small, you’d usually laugh it off with him and apologize. however, this time was different. it was more…intense. you hadn’t meant to get into a screaming match with your boyfriend, it just happened.

chris had never yelled at you before, it was an odd situation for you to be in. all of this was happening out of anger, and stress from the day. deep down, you knew he didn’t mean anything he was saying, but it still hurt like a knife twisting cruelly in your heart, slowly ripping all the life and emotion away from you as you stood there.

“I can’t believe you!” chris scoffed, running his hand through his hair in frustration as you leaned against the kitchen counter.

“what can’t you believe, chris? you barely even spend time with me anymore!” you matched his frustrated tone, your voice rising.

your comment seemed to hit him harder than you thought it would. “is that what this is about? you think i don’t care about you? you’re fuckin’ wrong, you need to grow up and realize i have a job that requires me to be away!” chris spoke in anger, his fists clenched by his sides.

“you aren’t listening to me! i wake up and you’re gone, i go to sleep without you next to me because you’re always working! and when you’re home you don’t fucking acknowledge me!” you yelled.

chris quickly lost his patience with you. “stop it, just stop it. while you’re over here actin’ like a spoiled brat, i’m working my ass off and trying to make you happy! you sit around this house all day and complain!” you bit your lip, your heart sinking at his words. nothing felt real, absolutely nothing.

the corner’s of your eyes were quick to fill with tears, chris’s gaze softened as he looked into your hurt eyes. you sniffled, wiping your tears with your sleeve in aggression.

“fine then! i’ll get out of your way.” you replied in frustration, walking away before chris could even stop you. you were done, you just wanted to end the day, you wanted all of this to just be over.

chris sighed softly, his breaths coming out shaky as he watched you run upstairs before you could break down in front of him. he felt horrible, especially because he was seeing the woman he loved most cry. but he couldn’t talk to you right now, he had to let his anger boil over.

about an hour had passed since you and chris argued. you were laying in bed, the lamp on your side table casting a warm and dim light into the room. the house was silent, you weren’t sure what chris was doing at the moment. you laid on your side, your head buried into your tear soaked blanket as your soft sniffles were muffled.

the silence after an argument was always the worst, considering the fact that you had fought with the man you loved most. you let out a soft sob into your pillow, your thoughts racing through your mind rapidly.

suddenly, the door to the room opened. chris walked in, not even batting you an eye. you watched as he stumbled over to his closet in exhaustion, changing into a plain white shirt and blue plaid pajama pants.

chris shut off the lamp on the side table, climbing in bed next to you while still creating a small gap of distance between the both of you, as he was still slightly frustrated, but not as much as before. you could feel the tension between the two of you in the atmosphere of the room, it took everything in you not to break the silence.

chris laid with his back facing you, his breaths were heavy as his body was completely still. you stared up at the ceiling, tossing and turning with restlessness. you couldn’t sleep at all, especially knowing that chris was angry with you.

chris laid awake, although he refused to face you. he listened to your restless tossing and turning on the bed, and your frustrated grunts. he was in the same boat, he couldn’t shut his eyes and rest without thinking of the overwhelming amount of guilt he felt from earlier. he knew you both couldn’t go to bed angry with each other, it wasn’t right.

chris sighed softly, turning over on the bed to look at you through the dark room. “baby?” he called out for you, his voice as gentle as ever, contrast to his anger earlier. you tensed up as you could feel his eyes on you as he waited for an answer.

“y-yeah?” you answered, your voice barely above a whisper. chris gently touched your arm, slowly beginning to turn you over so he could get a proper look at you.

the both of you locked eyes, chris felt his heart sink by just looking at the guilt and regret in your eyes, the same eyes that had such a bright and contagious spark inside of them, were now dull and sad.

“you okay?” he asked, his hand coming up to your face, brushing a strand of hair out of your eyes. you nodded, leaning into his touch, you felt a sense of comfort knowing that he still loved and cared about you despite everything.

“i’m sorry sweetheart, i’m so sorry. i shouldn’t have yelled at you. i shouldn’t have said all those mean things, you didn’t deserve that.” chris apologized, your heart felt warm as you listened to what he had to say.

“i’m sorry too, chris. i know you care about me, and i appreciate you for that, i’m sorry for doubting you and raising my voice at you.” you spoke, chris gently wiped your stray tears, leaning into you and pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

“it’s okay, love. i just want you to talk to me about these things instead of keeping it to yourself, okay? i’m here for you, i want to know how you’re feeling. i can’t help you if i don’t know what’s going on.” chris explained to you.

“i promise, i’ll try to communicate with you more.” you agreed, a smile formed on chris’s face as you guys were now on the same page.

“and i promise i’ll try to make more time for you, and listen to you.” chris added on, you nodded. chris gently wrapped his arms around you securely, you buried your head into his chest, holding onto him tightly, as if he’d disappear if you let go. chris looked down at you as you began to slowly drift off in his arms. he whispered a small “i love you” before covering the both of you with the blanket and falling asleep himself, feeling reassured that you were safe in his arms.

it wasn’t so hard to sleep when you were in his arms.

© delilahsturniolo do not copy, re use, or modify any of my works.

taglist

[xoxochb]

"can i wrap a fruit roll up on it?" with percy jackson

(its ok if you cant i js thought its super silly 😽😽)

HELPHELPHELP I LOVE THIS

——— ౨ৎ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

“want a piece?”

you hold out a small portion of your long fruit roll up. percy shrugs and takes it from your hold, eating it quickly.

you let your feet idly kick behind you, taking small portions from the candy one by one and popping them into your mouth. and you were a little too silent for percy’s liking— you were never this content unless you were up to something no good.

“are you gonna strangle me with that roll up?”

you furrow your brows. “I would never do such an awful thing. also the orange prison jumpsuits clash with my hair.”

“you told me that before,” he points out.

“I’m glad you listen when I talk.” you eat another piece, eyes averting back to your busy hands.

it’s quiet for another moment before you speak again. “perseus?”

“sweet girl.”

you bite your lip to stifle your giggles, calming yourself to speak. you let your chin rest on the palm of your hand. “can I wrap a fruit roll up on it?”

he opens his mouth for a split second, attempting to find the correct response to your nonsense statement. he closes it quickly, then reopens it again. “what?!”

“I can even eat it off if you’re into that.” your face remains stoic and serious. though the majority of your statements are serious.

“no! you’re not doing that, what if it gets stuck?”

you think for a moment. “then I’ll amputate it.”

“no! no, you’re not. get your fruit roll up away from my genitals!” quickly, he backs himself towards the headboard of the bed nearly afraid of you.

“percy, pleaseee,” you whine, rolling onto your back, pouting. “I will never live to experience the unreal joy of wrapping your genitals with my fruit roll up… and eating it off.” you sigh wearily.

he does not give into your advances.

“I’d let you lick whipped cream off my tits.”

he doesn’t respond. for one because you know that he would do that— and if you’re right that means he’ll never hear the end of it for as long as he lives.

“pleaseeeee?”

“no. let’s change the subject. I really liked those cookies you baked the other day, will you make more?”

“only you would talk about food in such a difficult time such as this.”

percy rolls his eyes. “give me that fruit roll up.”

he rips it from your hands, shoving the entire roll into his mouth. your mouth hands open.

“that was my fruit roll up!”

he only shrugs. you suppose in a way that says ‘mine now, too bad.’

and after this fiasco, you were no longer allowed to eat fruit roll ups or whipped cream.

[leftoverghosts]

'til death

art donaldson x cheating wife reader. mentioned you x pat.

"I don’t think I could survive seeing you with someone else."

warnings: nsfw!!! some curse words. use of she/her for reader. no use of y/n. dom art. smut. art is a munch. finger in butt. cheating reader. more gross than i usually write. not beta read.

nori says: please!! please!! read my warnings! xoxo. i have a few more asks to get through for my xmas game! but besides those (and ones pending from sof) i am closing it!! thank you so much for playing!!! here is a little gift of what i would have selected!

word count: 1,400~

"Tennis Legend Art Donaldson’s Wife Seen Kissing Mysterious Man."

The title elicits a scoff from you, while Art's teary eyes gaze at you as if you've castrated him.

Yes, you kissed Patrick. Yes, things went further than just a kiss. But for some asinine, no-name fucking blogger on Instagram to refer to you as "Art Donaldson's wife" is the real travesty here. That's libel, that's slander.

Your knee throbs with pain.

"Why didn’t you tell me Patrick was in town?" Art weeps, and you drag your eyes back to his face before cringing.

Martyr, martyr, martyr. It’s his favorite role. You want him to be angry, to be calculating like he used to be. You want him to manipulate his way back into your good graces.

"Art," you sigh, "ask me what you really want to know."

“Did you fuck him?” He asks it almost as soon as you finish speaking.

"Twice." You shrug, wanting to wound, longing for the real him to shred through the flesh of the docile facade he's hiding behind and fight with you.

He sucks in a breath, fingers drumming against the table before he...smirks?

"I don’t think I could survive seeing you with someone else. Especially not him.”

“You’re barely surviving as is, Art. Sometimes I feel like if it weren't for your blinking, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between you and a doll. I have to sit you here, change your expression there. Fuck. Who are you?"

He blinks at you. "I am who you made me."

"I want you to be who you used to be."

"If I change, will that make you stop seeing Patrick?"

You pause, confused. "Patrick doesn’t matter to me. He's not the man I chose to marry. But when I'm with him, I can pretend it's the real you again. I like the familiarity of it, like we're back in that hotel room and he fucking listens. Having to explain this is beneath me.”

"Mhmm," Art takes a moment to process your words before getting up and walking around the table to stand beside you. He hovers over you, waiting for you to face him, and when you do, his hand is in your hair, yanking.

Art pulls you out of the chair with little effort. It crashes to the ground with a loud clatter before he kicks it aside. He steps behind you, needing even less effort to press the side of your face against the table's wood grain. His hand grips the back of your neck, firmly holding you in place.

"You don't just want me to listen, you want me to fucking snap, don't you baby? It's not like you to work backwards.” he sneers. “And if anything is beneath you, it’s still sneaking off with Patrick Zweig in your thirties. He’s ranked two hundred,” your skirt is pushed up to your hips, “and seventy fucking fifth.”

Art rarely curses, but you've pushed him over the edge and caused him to reveal that he's been keeping track of Patrick's rank.

This was what you wanted all along.

You start to complain when he rips your expensive pantyhose, but Art silences you with two quick slaps on your ass and rips enough of your underwear to have access to you.

“Shut the fuck up. You’ll use my Amex to buy new ones anyway.” He lets go of your neck and swipes his pointer and middle finger across your wet center like a credit card, squeezing your labia and working at your clit. You can't see his smirk but you can feel it. “Don’t you have any self worth? Or are you that bored with the life I bankroll for you?”

When you don’t answer, he pauses, peering down at you as he restrains himself. His expression is tinged with fear when your eyes meet, as if questioning whether he’s gone too far. Consent has always been important to him; even after five years of marriage, he never touches you without asking for permission.

“I’m okay, Art. You’re doing well.” You reassure him, not lifting up from the table, but turned on by how quickly the apprehension in his eyes transforms into lust.

"Okay." He nods and drops to his knees, "open your legs for me, baby." You oblige eagerly, yearning for his touch. His strong hands grip your soft flesh, spreading you open before him. Your heart races with anticipation as you feel his hot breath against your most intimate area. He teases you with a long, slow lick, his tongue warm and wet as it glides from your clit to your asshole.

A moan escapes your lips as he begins to work you over with his mouth. Art points his tongue and probes at your ass, prodding and swirling around the rim. He alternates between flicking his tongue rapidly across your hole and pressing it inside you, wiggling it deeper.

You're drunk on the vulgar slurping sounds as he laps at you, greedy and insatiable. He sucks and nibbles at your rim, taking you apart piece by piece.

He pulls back to spit thick gobs of saliva over your fluttering hole, the crude act making you clench and shiver. Rivulets run down your crack and over your thighs. He dives back in, sealing his mouth over your entrance and sucking hard, his tongue writhing against your walls.

You cry out and push your ass back into his face, desperate for more. Art’s hands grip your hips as he tongue-fucks your hole with abandon, plunging in and out, swirling around your rim. He devours your ass like a man who has been starved for days, moaning with pure bliss at the taste of you.

Your thighs begin to tremble, overwhelmed by the unrelenting pleasure and his grip is hard enough to bruise as he feasts on you, giving both your holes the attention they crave. He knows just how to please you, taking care of your every need before indulging in his own desires.

You would laugh at how even in his dominant role, he still prioritizes your pleasure first, but the sensations are too exquisite to do anything but feel.

Art works you over with his tongue, bringing you to a shuddering climax before standing and shifting his sweatpants down to free his throbbing erection. He fucks into you and one hand grips your ass cheek while his thumb circles and probes your puckered entrance, slipping inside to the first knuckle.

"Does Patrick fuck you like this?" Art pants heavily as he thrusts into your slick heat. "You think he could afford a woman like you? The jewelry you're wearing right now costs more than that piece of shit's entire car. And he thinks he can put his hands on what belongs to me? Fucking tell me."

"No, never!" You babble incoherently, grasping at the table for purchase as the dual stimulation threatens to overwhelm you. The sensations aren’t new, but this tension is. "I only keep him around because I miss you so much, Art. It's always been you."

“Lying. Fucking. Whore.” he grits out, each word punctuated by a sharp snap of his hips and a twist of his thumb buried in your ass. "You miss someone you were trying to get rid of? But you'll never be rid of me. 'Til death do us part, say it!"

“Til’ death, baby.” You eagerly agree, tears flowing from your eyes pool on the table under your cheek. It feels like a baptism, like you’re coming back to your religion.

“Cum for me. Slut.” He dribbles a little more spit down onto his thumb and quickens the pace of thrusting it in and out of your asshole, matching the rhythm of his cock inside your pussy. “Show me what you did for him in that cheap hotel room.”

He's always vocal during sex, but the degrading words are hitting you in all the right places. Your legs start to tremble and you tighten around him, signs that you're close to orgasm. Just as you think you're about to come, he pulls away, stroking himself until he finishes and ejaculates all over your backside and legs.

“What the hell, Art?” You whine, turning to glare at him. But he shoves the same thumb into your mouth and when you recoil, he laughs. His expression is deadly serious.

"If I catch you with Patrick again, I'll divorce you. Don't test me."

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Can you please do this „I just want to be someones first choice“ with ves x reader but ves says this? Ik it‘ll destroy me but I live for pain.

ALSO happy ending please (PLEASE) 😭

First choice

It was so hard for him to genuinely trust again. Every time things were going well Vessel still heard sirens from previous relationships that had ended in disaster. But that didn’t stop him from longing. And longing he did. Constantly catching himself wanting more but just as quickly killing the flame blazing.

But he saw it. Saw it in the smallest of things. Your eyes when you looked at him. Vessel was sure there was so much more there. More than when you looked at others. In your smile. The exciting clapping as you waited for them to get off the stage. The way you would squeeze his hand. Both in a reassuring manner and excitement. Vessel craved these moments. Craved the comfort and ease it brought him. But it terrified him too. More than anything. Because he knew that he had failed to keep his guard up.

“Your tea and I know you said no biscuits but… I still stole some”, you chuckled as you walked into the back room where Vessel had been sitting hiding the whole day. “Your favorite”, you wiggled the packet, before settling it in front of him. Your smile fell once his face didn’t change. “Hey, you haven’t been yourself”, softly reaching out you placed your hand on his shoulder. “Could you close the door”, his voice was so quiet, ripping your heart to shreds as you quickly stood up moving to do just what he had asked you to. “You can tell me”, you reassured him, “I’m good with holding secrets. iii has opened a confessional with me”, You chuckled hoping to lighten the mood but failing miserably once more. “It… you’ll think that I’m insane”, Vessel sighed shaking his head.

“Vess, you could tell me that you have a body there and I wouldn’t ask a question, just go looking for a shovel”, you pointed out, “Nothing you tell me will make me think any different of you”. He turned to you then, his blue eyes piercing you. “Why… why are you like this with me?”, he asked softly. “Why wouldn’t I be?”, you frowned, “You’ve shown me nothing but love and care. The least I could do is meet you with the same amount of affection”, you shrugged, “Plus, you’re special. I’ve told you that before”.

There was always this unspoken softness between you two. It felt like love in silence. From him holding the door open for you. Or making sure that you crossed the road safely. To you always making sure that he always had everything he needed before the show. Or never failing to check on him throughout the day. “You make my head go silent”, he muttered, “It sounds insane but… there are so many things there and you just make it go away”, Vessel lets his head hang down with a sigh. “That makes me happy”, you mutter pushing your finger beneath his chin, “I feel safe with you too”, you smile down at him.

“I want to be someone’s first choice but I’m bad at these things”, he admits and you can hear that raw pain there. All of it. “You are. Have been my number one for a while”, you admitted feeling your heart skip a beat as you watched realization slowly sinking in. “I didn’t want to come at you full force, I know that you’ve been hurt before and…”, “You genuinely want this”, Vessel pointed at himself in disbelief. “Why did you say it like that?”, you frowned, “I want you, the way that you are. All parts of you are beautiful, Vess”, you cupped his face and looked at him. He nodded slowly. “Can you just… hold me for a bit?”, he asked as if embarrassed. “Anything you want, darling”, you brushed your finger over his cheek before stepping closer. His arms instantly wrapped around his torso as he pressed his face into your stomach. Breathing you in. Grounding himself as you softly plaid with his hair just letting him be.

[maybetheyredrunk]

tw: angst, self-harm, suicide attempts, death.

REGULUS BLACK

Regulus is heartbroken when James and Lily starts dating.

He doesn't realise why.

And then Remus is talking about Sirius, and saying similar things to what's in his head. "He makes me feel loved, and safe, and wanted. The way he laughs, the way he talks. That's why I love him." And that's when Regulus realises. Oh shit, maybe I love him. The way he smiles, the way he laughs, the way James is the sun to his sky.

James is oblivious for a while.

But then Lily realises she doesn't love James the way she feels like she should.

James and Lily break up, stay friends, and James realises he loves Regulus. The way he smiles, when James gets his attention, or he reads a book that he loves. The quietness. The way he bursts out with his opinions if he feels strongly about something. Regulus finally loving the person who he wants to, openly.

They go up to the Astronomy tower each Sunday, just talking. Each Sunday turns into twice a week. Twice a week into every other day. Every other day into every day. And they're so happy. And Sirius is all "You're dating my baby brother!" and "Brotherfucker." and "Ugh.", but inside he's so happy to see Regulus loving someone openly and fully. And Remus supports the both of them, and so does Peter, and Lily, and Dorcas, and Marlene.

Then Walburga and Orion make Regulus get the Dark Mark.

He's screaming, crying, begging them not to. "Please Mom, please Dad, I can't lose this." Throwing himself in front of them, trying to run away.

Him eventually realising: It doesn't work.

So he gets the Mark. Stays silent as the needle punctures his flesh over and over again.

And then runs to Hogwarts.

Regulus sobbing in the common room of Slytherin, arm swollen and bleeding as he tries to rip the ink out of his skin with his nails, held by an equally sad Evan and Barty.

Sobbing because he's going to lose his brother again, going to lose his friends, his boyfriend, because of ink that he didn't want.

Him trying to grab a knife, scissors. Evan and Barty have to restrain him and watch him constantly, making sure he doesn't carve out flesh from his bones.

So the Dark Mark is permanent.

And Regulus would rather see his boyfriend, the love of his life, not know him, rather than see James hate him for what he didn't want to become.

So he goes to the Astronomy tower after having ignored James for weeks. James didn't know why.

And he tells him. "I got the Mark." And shows him his arm.

And James' eyes widen.

And then - "Wait Reg-"

Regulus sobbing out one word, doubled over in pain, wishing he could go to James. One word.

"Obliviate."

And Regulus erases all of James' memories of him, he's powerful and precise enough to.

And James leaves the tower, confused as to why he went up there in the first place.

And Regulus is sobbing, tears running down his face, hair messed up, clutching at the railing of the tower, wishing he could get the mark away, would do anything. Anything to ease the pain.

He climbs onto the rail. Decides life isn't really worth living anymore, not without his sun. Evan and Barty see him, and run for him, and barely manage to catch him in time.

He makes three more attempts before realising he can't.

So he runs.

Runs so he doesn't have to see that James and Lily get back together, happy and oblivious. Lily's confused as to what happened to Regulus. Regulus who disappeared. Runs so he doesn't have to face Sirius, his disappointment and anger. Runs so Remus can't find him, his kind words and gentleness would make him unravel. Runs so none of his friends can follow. Barty and Evan search for a long time. But they never find him.

James is 18 when Regulus leaves. He's 17. Regulus dies the same year. Trying to make a difference. Regretting that he didn't earlier.

And as he lies on the cold hard ground of the island, Kreacher beside him, holding his stomach in pain from the liquid, but the Horcrux destroyed, he thinks. Of James. Of his smile. Of his laugh. Of his kisses. The way he lit up Regulus' world, because he was the sun to Regulus' sky, because Regulus needed James to be bright.

And he thinks. I'm sorry. He's left a note.

But he doesn't expect James to find it. Ever.

Regulus is 17 when he dies.

And he wishes that he had longer.

But even the brightest stars all fade.

thanks to @sweetmelodygraphics for the dividers!! Her work is amazing, please go check it out.

@into-the-jeggyverse @noblehouseofgay @my-castles-crumbling @reggie-the-starboy @ultravioletbrit @strawberrystainedfingertips7 @caiiius @iamgayforyourmom1510 @wh0re-for-w0lfstar

[luvzxr]

Little Pougie

Hi! I'm back from a long break. I've been working on this book that originally is posted on wattpad and it's ongoing currently. I wanted to branch out from my previous posts from video games to shows as well.

This story also is originally using my OC's name and I'm not very good with coming up with alternatives to make the story for people who want to use their OC's or their own names. I will do my best though because I also don't like using the (Y/N) stuff but we shall see. anyways, onto chapter one.

01. Kegger

I wish I had stayed at home, curled up on the couch with my hair up in a messy bun and some stupid microwaveable meal on the coffee table in front of me. I wish I never let my older brother, John B, rip me away from the comfort of our own home to come to a kegger, or in other words- a party that I most certainly did not want to attend.

"John B," I tugged the hem of his loosely worn shirt. I've been so uneasy the entire night I've completely forgotten what it means to be content, "when are we leaving?"

"Just a little longer, Poguie. I promise," He gave a soft but playful nudge with his elbow.

'Just a little longer' means we'll be here till daybreak or until I pester him enough to drive me home himself. Time meant nothing to him when a Pouge party was happening.

I was more than eager to go back home and I grew more and more impatient the longer I stood there in hopes John B would change his mind and offer me a ride home of his own free will but that would only happen if hell froze over.

Pouges had no reason to throw parties, they just would and at this point being the sister of one and considered one myself by our peers and friends you would think I'd have no problem with participating but the word parties always left a bitter taste on the tip of my tongue. In what way does a night filled with hammered teenagers and raging migraines the next morning sound appealing?

The time we spent there grew longer and once it hit ten o'clock I couldn't take it anymore and made the utter decision to leave my older brother's side and push past the sweaty bodies and blotched faces.

I was sure that John B would grow increasingly tense once he'd start to realize my absence and after having practically the whole town on a wild goose chase- only to find me safely at home and also find time to lecture me about how I need to stay with him at all times. Yet I couldn't find even just an ounce in me to care about the repercussions of leaving on my own.

Luckily, none of John B's friends were around to stop me from reaching the main road, as everyone I left behind were either trying to find any way possible of getting a free hook up or a free buzz.

All I could keep my mind set on was crashing on the couch and tuning out to either The Vampire Diaries or jamming out to a random playlist of mine on the stereo. To some that might be one of the most boring activities you could be doing on a Friday night but to me it sounded like absolute bliss.

I wanted to die, After what felt like hours of heaving and gasping for air, I had finally reached the house where I could kick off my Chuck Taylor's and crash on the couch with my original plan. But first, I needed a snack because my stomach was probably on the verge of kicking my own butt if I didn't prioritize the next five seconds of finding something to satisfy the hunger.

I make my way to our kitchen, flicking on the light, and began scanning through the different varieties of food held within the cabinets and fridge. I quickly settled with a chocolate pudding cup stashed in the very back of our cabinet that seemed my brother tried to hide so desperately.

"Little Pouge?"

"Jesus!" I shrieked, practically throwing my enclosed pudding cup as a poor excuse for self-defense. If there was an actual intruder he'd probably have already made off with what we had left that was considered valuable.

I relax my nerves upon seeing a much more familiar blonde boy standing in the doorway and not an intruder ready to high-tail out of here with whatever he could.

"Sorry." a sheepish grin creeping on his face, "didn't mean to startle you, Little one."

JJ Maybank is my big brother's best friend since the third grade and he's also one of the very few people I didn't mind stopping by whenever he felt like it and lounge around the house as if he lived here himself. He's been in my life for as long as I could even remember because John B was never without him and ever since our father went missing it was always me, John B, and JJ so that surely helped our bond develop over time.

'Little Pouge' however was a nickname given to me by my brother and his friends. It was something the Pouges wanted to have special for me considering to them that 'y/n/n' was too bland to call me. I don't know a single one of them who doesn't call me Little Pouge or Pougie. That nickname has been with me for so long that even Kooks seem to be catching onto the idea of being referred to as those rather than my birth name.

Many Kooks have tried calling me the nickname's just to get under John B's skin or even JJ's but a lot of the time that ended in the boys beating a Kook to a pulp and the rest of their night spent in a six by eight foot holding cell and the horrible back pains that came with it in the morning when I'd bail them out.

I feel my face grow hot from embarrassment, "What are you doing here JJ?"

"John B couldn't find you so he sent me out looking for ya," he says, giving a curt nod towards the direction behind him, indicating my brother sent him out to hunt me down.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. John B acts as if I can't spend even just a little bit of time by myself anywhere and that I constantly need someone to watch over me like a little kid- I'm not a little kid, I'm a year younger than him, and perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

I let out a groan, "I'm not a little kid, JJ. When is he going to understand that."

He made his way over to me, leaning forward so that he could rest his elbow on the countertop and his chin in the palm of his hand.

"He's just worried about you (y/n). You're the only family he's got left other than our little group as far as he knows." JJ states. "Plus, with all the Kooks at the party too he was worried that maybe one of 'em kidnapped ya."

"Hm."

"Ah Princess, don't be like that. He's looking out for you." He ruffles my hair.

He gave a soft grin before making his way over to the couch, swinging himself over the top and landing perfectly in a comfortable seated position.

Why does he never just walk around the side like a normal person?

Not long after JJ made himself comfortable on the couch is when I decided to do the same thing.

I take a good look at him, at his side profile, the way he clenches his jaw ever so slightly out of pure justification. His father had beat on him so many times he'd probably never have the same jaw alignment as he once had and a part of me wished that I was closer to him than just his best bud's little sister because he didn't open up to anyone, he doesn't allow anyone to get too close to him and in a way I understand.

Being as close to JJ as I was now I could smell the severe alcohol on his breath. It was no secret that Pouges drank, it was more common than you'd actually think but I could only imagine how his liver must have felt and practically beg him to take a break. On top of that, I also knew JJ was into a lot of different kinds of substances. He used those as an escape route, a way to completely make the pain go away for a temporary amount of time before he had to rejoin the rest of us in reality.

He tended to do his best to stay away from pain, choosing to ignore anything and everything that even remotely had the chance to trigger the emotion. He tried to bottle all of it up and throw it out the window as if it had never existed in the first place but like every human being, there comes a time when that glass bottle fills to the brim and then it explodes.

"JJ."

"Hm?" He raised an eyebrow, turning his head towards me to give his full attention.

I paused. He wasn't going to like the question I had in store for him so was I really ready to potentially ruin the small, yet sweet relationship I had with him? Over being a little too nosey for my own good.

I decided against it and just shook my head, "How was the party?"

He tilted his head to the side, his tongue slid between both sets of his teeth and his mouth making the ever so slightest oval like he usually does- He was confused, and rightfully so. This man has been around since before my childbirth and every step after that, it was hard to keep anything from him. That is if he's sober.

Fortunately enough for me, he was not and wasn't the sharpest when it came to being intoxicated. JayJ and his love for alcohol for once actually saved us a conversation that I don't think either of us were fully ready to have. Nonetheless, the question still raked through my mind and I was only hoping that the curiosity wouldn't power through.

Why does he resort to things that destroy him? Does he seriously think that low of himself?

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

Called my aunt to wish her a happy birthday and we spent an hour discussing what I was doing with my life 😭

[katsinspats]

I think my copy of the game is broken they've been doing this for 30 minutes

Crop of the Biolizard edit I did bc it makes me laugh:

[fallowtail]

controversial take here but i really hope hetty is on her absolute worst nastygirl/comedic clown behavior in s4 to push back against the poor little meow meow woobification curse shes been experiencing since holes because i am tired

[skrunksthatwunk]

idk if i've discussed it before (i have certainly THOUGHT about it) but someone on my kuwa suffering ep 89 comp mentioned it and i just had to go off about it like. ok. sensui tells yusuke something along the lines of "you heard itsuki" when itsuki's inside the uraotoko, implying that not only can sensui hear those inside the uraotoko, but that he expects yusuke to be able to as well. which means that yusuke Almost Certainly Heard And Kind Of Ignored kuwabara's prolonged mental breakdown and wailing about how much he needs yusuke to live etc. which. guHHH i hate him yusuke you ass but also listen.

the only acknowledgement yusuke gives to this (if any) is when he says something like "sensui you're sooo fucking cooked this plan's going perfectly (my friends are going to get strong and kill you when i die)." he's trash talking to sensui, ignoring the others because, i think, he doesn't want to acknowledge what he's doing to them.

yusuke is explicitly recreating the experience he had with kuwabara's "death" at the hands of toguro, complete with the announcement of intent (and power) to kill, the inability to impede the threat in any way (barring a power-breakthrough), and the target in some way racing towards/volunteering for their death. yusuke learns through doing, and through tough love-style approaches. it's only effective if it hurts. watching kuwabara die like that was devastating to yusuke, but it sure as hell fucking worked. he beat toguro because of that maneuver. so even if he has to (re-)traumatize his friends in the process, this method will make his friends stronger, and he feels confident in that. but he never had to live with the consequences of kuwabara's death, not really. that's something hiei makes clear before they enter the cave as well, that there are no fake-outs ready to make him or anyone else stronger. the only deaths here will be real. the only power gained will come at a high, permanent cost. hiei's warning is an attempt to keep everyone alive, to keep yusuke from being stupid. and then yusuke decides to take that fatality into his own hands, but it's kind of his friends who would pay the price. he's going to make them live through the days, months, years without him, the actual permanency of loss (assuming they survive for that long), something he never experienced with kuwabara (a new facet of that traumatic scenario), AND he's escaping the emotional fallout of this choice through death. he doesn't have to see them mourn, won't get yelled at, won't watch them fail to move on. he's tapping out and choosing to believe they'll be fine.

but i think he feels guilty. just a little. i mean, yusuke couldn't even believe that people cared about him enough to want him alive in episode one. he's staked everything on his friends, which means he still kind of... doesn't value his own life, at least not compared to theirs. but he believes his friends love him and want him around, and we know that because he has to, or else he wouldn't make a plan that depends entirely on that love. he is actively leveraging the care he doesn't think he deserves, trying to hurt them in a way he is intimately familiar with (only worse), for.... what, exactly?

this is kind of my sticking point tbh. i don't think the answer is... super clear, but let's start with what it's not.

yusuke is not doing this because it is the most practical way to save all of humanity; that would be the mafukan, which he stopped. it could be a gamble to save all of his friends? the mafukan strategy would guarantee koenma's death/eternal imprisonment, whereas this strategy gambles all of humanity on the chance that his friends come out of the Easy Break Oven strong enough to avert the end of the world. if the sacrifice of even one friend is completely intolerable, perhaps he'd accept those slim odds and their steep consequences. yusuke tends to take risks like that, especially when he's got fight-induced tunnel vision. he doesn't think things through too much; his schemes are usually dependent on surprising his enemy enough to oneshot them. truthfully, i think this is the closest we'll get to an answer, and it's a more conventional one for this kind of story. but there is another layer i haven't been able to get from my mind.

i think yusuke is gifting each of his friends an honorable warrior's death.

so, in case it needs saying, yusuke, kuwabara, kurama, and hiei all (at least once, if not several times) exhibit a desire to die in combat in a way they deem noble to give their lives purpose (usually by self-sacrifice, but sometimes by another metric of honor, like hiei's duel with shigure and his desire to die in mutual defeat against an evenly matched opponent; or even kurama's decision to fight shigure in his human form, displaying a sort of passive suicidality via placing being true to himself in this (somewhat symbolic/inconsequential) way over survival). they need to make their lives count for something, because they feel guilty for being alive (kurama and hiei feel guilty for their past actions (hiei's is most evident in his distance from yukina, though that's not its primary reason), hiei, kuwabara, and yusuke have all been ostracized and made to feel like burdens on/unwanted by their caregivers and general society; all four of them have felt profound isolation even from their loved ones (yusuke and hiei are rather obvious; kurama can never tell his mother about the majority of his life nor what she truly means to him in the context of it; and kuwabara is separated from his peers for his spiritual awareness and his "stupidity" (plus his parents aren't around? and he is Desperate to define manhood/manliness through a broader pop cultural one which includes the warrior sacrifice thing bc he has no male role models BUT that's for another post) (i will admit kuwa's the most tenuous one here irt isolation)). they want to die for a cause so badly it's actually physically painful to me. it is passive suicidality, and they define their lives and identities by their relation to, engagement with, and skill at doing violence, etc. they live to die by the sword. anyway. nobody talks about it but i think it's very important to understanding what yusuke's doing here.

because i think he knows that about himself and his friends. they're kindred spirits. at the very least he knows this about kuwabara, who literally made a speech about this before diving into toguro's fingers In The Event That He Is Recreating Explicitly. he is dying nobly like they all want to on the chance that they'll get to break out and fight sensui rather than dying without even getting to take a swing. it's about his pride and theirs. but i don't think yusuke necessarily believes they'll win. he knows better than anyone how strong sensui is, and how wide the gap is between sensui and team urameshi. his stated position that humanity is doomed and that he doesn't care about its fate is, i think, not completely genuine, but if we take it at face value, he's not killing himself so that his friends can survive the end of the world. something's going to come around and kill them eventually. he's doing it so they can survive long enough to fight sensui. he needs them (specifically kuwabara) to be strong enough to free themselves to begin round two. but he's given up on their side winning, on humanity surviving, on his own victory---why should he think his friends are capable of winning? this could be another case of yusuke's fight-blinders. it could be another gamble, more blind faith put in his friends. but honestly it reads more to me that yusuke's giving them a chance to die together on the battlefield. them winning would be great, but it's not his goal. it's a pipe dream.

he knows he's going to be killed. they're probably going to be killed, too. but to make it so they last a little longer against sensui, to make the odds a little more even, so they are killed not like livestock, but like worthy fighters, he'd die a little faster. it's the best kind of death someone like them can have; and he'll deprive himself of it just to make their ends a little sweeter. even if the road to that is far more bitter.

but it's not like yusuke's friends know what he's thinking or agree to it, and he can't exactly make his case for it in the moment. he's making that choice for them. whatever his intentions, whatever odds he thinks they have of beating sensui, he's kind of sealing all of their fates. so how the hell is he supposed to acknowledge kuwabara screaming at him not to die, trying desperately to express what yusuke means to him in what could be their final moments together? this plan is going to hurt his friends terribly. it is already doing so, and he can hear it. his choices to stop koenma from using the mafukan and to die for his friends' strength are both selfish in some way, no matter how you read the scene. if yusuke comforts kuwabara, he might not get strong enough. if he twists the knife, well... how could he forgive himself? and either way by responding he would have to face them all and say yes, i'm doing this regardless of your feelings (with the intention of hurting you). so i think he does what he often does. he avoids it. he lets that emotion glance off him and his bravado and his one-liners so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that he's hurting people, that he's scared and guilty and unsure of himself. that he's about to die again, about to put kuwabara through the grief he saw at his wake again, only worse; about to put his quieter friends through something similar.

yusuke is confronted with the responsibility one has to the people who care for them, and he runs from it in an attempt to give them some small peace. just like when he died before and thought hey, at least my mom and keiko won't be burdened by me anymore. because the only thing he can really do for them is die.

[arolesbianism]

Some au antag doodles

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[genshinmaburp]

Alhaitham as a character is great I love how he’s a prick and “as a matter of fact ☝️” and ignores people he doesn’t want to talk to. Absolutely sensational and amazing. But if I met him in real life, as someone in STEM who has to deal with enough men who think they’re better, I would pummel him.

[ifyourereadingthisblinktwice]

i need to stop forgetting things exist the fucking second they leave my field of vision. why is is impossible for two things to occupy my mind at once especially when im tired. like. i feel like a sim. i feel like actions are being canceled and i just. move on. and completely forget what i was doing moments before. i fucking hate it

[wonpiltual]

I NEED A FUCKING HOBBY !!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[hawkeyedflame]

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